Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sounded Like A Good Idea At The Time


“It sounded like a good idea at the time”?

You just gotta lower your expectations with an opening like that.

You just know it's going to end badly. The conclusion, outcome, ending, the finale ….... not much hope. It's just the specifics that bear telling.

First …...... understand that this too is the fault of Ms. Karen Kimbler. Back to that later.

Nobody wants to read a bunch of boring details, so here are the main points.
- 69 km bike ride advertised on Gringo tree.
- Charity fund raiser type of thing.
- Giving away 2 new mountain bikes at destination.
- Promises to use secondary roads …..... not main roads.
- Does suggest that participants be in good physical condition.
- Destination is a mountain top lake.
- Mountain top lake is a couple valleys over.
 -You know what separates valleys ….... right? (Hint …... really big f*ckin Andes hills.) You see, if there weren't big hills separating the valleys ….... it would be the SAME valley. Anyway a couple valleys over and then UP even more.
- First stop is Turi …... if you live here you understand the joy of that little bike climb.

Weather:
- Day before: beautiful
- Day after (today) : beautiful again
- Day of the ride :
     Starts out cloudy and overcast.
     Many days start that way and often end up beautiful a couple hours later.
     A couple hours later (and the rest of the day) – RAIN

See below for a pic of secondary roads combined with rain.

Yeah, that is an ambulance on the left.
Yeah, it was for the riders.
Yeah, I saw it used ...... twice.
Once a few miles down this road.
(some gal went to fast downhill on a windy, muddy, slippery road ......what did she expect?)
The other time some old turd (my age) was laying down and being examined.
I didn't look too closely.

TAR? 
Once at the destination, it became obvious that we had all (200 of us) ridden through tar. It was everywhere! How the hell do you ride through tar when you are on mud/rock roads. Someone mentioned that the really rich looking patch of black muddy earth in the road….. oh, I get it.

I wondered if I had a big blob of tar on my face. There was one guy that had a tar smear on the seat of his pants that would have looked like a skid mark if the color was a little different. I guess that was funny.

So, mainly, I was:
cold,
wet,
muddy,
splattered with tar,
tired.
AND, I did not win a mountain bike.

Okay, so you may be wondering exactly how this is all Karen Kimbler's fault. Frankly, I am wondering myself. (As far as I can tell, she had nothing to do with it.) It must be Dan Maloney's fault. After all, he loaned me his helmet. A helmet was required. (Not everyone was wearing one.  Duh.) Without a helmet, I might not have gone. AND I still have to clean the tar off Dan's stupid helmet. So, yeah …....... this is Dan's fault. Maybe it was partly the Brennie's fault too ….... I wanted to win a mountain bike for her.


Life is Sweet (and muddy and sometimes cold and wet)
Clarke

PS: This ride was for a good cause.  I will probably go on the next one in about 6 months ...... or maybe I will just mail in a donation.


8 comments:

  1. Thanks Clarke for the honorable mention... again. :>) Glad you survivied. Now go to Banos and soak those sore muscles!

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  2. I am laughing my ass off! I'm sorry, but that was the funniest post! Thanks for sharing?

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  3. Thanks for the giggles! What a treat to read on a rainy morning!

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  4. This is great to read that you ole'timers can indure such abuse!
    It must be all the JIF peanut butter! By the way I saw more at Super Maxi!!!

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  5. What Clarke says is true! It was an adventurous bike ride, indeed! The pluses are that we all lost about 5 pounds, and it felt really good to wash ourselves off with gasoline and take a shower when we got home. :P

    Nick Barringer

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    1. Nick,
      You used gas. I used liquid dish soap, one of those scratchy pads for really baked on messes, boiling water, hand held blow torch, wire brush, carrot/potato peeler. Kinda like one of those facial peels the old broads in Palm Springs pay 1000's for.

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  6. What a great story. I got tired and cold just reading it. We will be back in August and hope you two will have dinner with us. Your writing style is great.... Having lunch with your beautiful sister today.... Hasta pronto...

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  7. clarke your writing style is hilarious, in other words you are too fucking funny and i dont want to be anonymous but cant figure out how to post otherwise rob from rhode island and i will be following you clarke so continue the excellent work.

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