THIS PLACE REALLY SUCKS.
I MEAN ..... IT SERIOUSLY SUCKS.
OR IS THAT ‘BLOWS’? ‘SUCKS’ OR ‘BLOWS’? Those two words mean the opposite things ..... blowing pretty much being the opposite of sucking ....... like breathe in and breathe out. Yet blows and sucks convey the same concept?
Anyway ......... this place blows too!
Anything in particular make me say this ....... about blowy / sucky Cuenca? You bet.
I hate to re-beat this drum (kick a dead horse?) ....... but really and seriously ..... what the h*ll is gong on here? Why can’t the stores stock JIF peanut butter? Every *&>%$#@ day?
When we did our recon mission here in June/July 2009, SuperMaxi had JIF creamy on the shelves. It was a little spendy, but that is fine. If gas can be $1.48 a gallon and monthly water and electric about $30, then who cares how much JF costs as long as it is available. Right? Anyway, it was available all of June and July of ’09.
So we arrive June 1st of 2010, and ever since then, JIF has been available less and less. It will be on the shelves for a couple months and then not available (at any price) for god knows how long. It is unavailable more than it is available.
For instance, the last time I saw it on the shelves was last September ...... over 5 months ago.
Now I have learned to compromise and have learned to live with Peter Pan although it is a far distant second to JIF. JIF is good, it can be eaten with a spoon directly from the jar. Peter Pan has to be eaten on a cracker with jam ..... because it is just not good enough to eat straight from the jar ...... it needs the cracker and jam to hide it’s ‘not-JIFness’ flavor.
Anyway, I am willing to settle for Peter Pan (crunchy or smooth). I haven’t complained about this. I have been strong. I really don’t want to be a whiney little b*tch. But even PP smooth is hard to get now and the stores haven’t had any of it for almost a month. They do have Honey Roast and Low Fat. But they are horrible! Bugger and Wanker do like it (our little Pekinese beasties) and it is so fun to watch them try to eat it. But then they eat dog food and dead stuff on the street too.
Movin’ on here ...... So I get on my moto today. I have a mission. Find some Peter Pan (JIF would be too much to hope for). I ride from one side of town to the other and back again and can tell you that there is none to be had ...... except for the aforementioned Honey Roast and Low Fat.
There is some local peanut butter available and the Brennie says it is perfectly fine. She says that ..... but back in the good old days, if we had JIF on hand she would eat MY JIF and ignore the local cr*p. So I don’t think she really does like the local stuff that much.
A friend of mine put a case of JIF creamy in a shpping container for me a year ago. The container has been sitting (packed) in the states for a year now. Currently the JIF is frozen in the container. Last summer it was cooked. Can’t wait to see what it is like if it ever gets here. Freeze - cook - freeze - cook - freeze - cook. Now JIF does have their mix of additives, stabilizers and preservatives down to an art ....... so maybe the freeze / cook cycle won’t be a problem. Yeah, right.
I can buy JIF at amazon.com and have it shipped. The shipping is $50 for a 2 jar pack (TRUE ...... I checked it out). But ‘food and beverages’ are restricted items for shipping ...... along with guns, ammo, explosives, drugs, etc.
I have brought it down in my checked baggage before (along with cigars) and it is no problem. However, when in a carry-on ..... no dice ..... it is confiscated. (The dreaded peanut butter bombs we have been repeatedly warned about?)
WOW. WOW. WOW. Just this very second, I got a phone call. Dean is bringing me a jar of JIF creamy when she comes back from the states God love her! No kidding .... I just got the phone call .... this very minute! Holy Sh*t! Gotta tell the psychic friends network!
I was going to close this blog entry with ‘Life sucks / blows’. but now I can close with .......
Life is Sweet,
Clarke
PS: It is a bad idea to look up the number of rat hairs allowed by the FDA in peanut butter.
PPS: MADE FROM ROASTED PEANUTS AND SUGAR, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: MOLASSES, FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (RAPESEED AND SOYBEAN), MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, SALT ...... and I suspect some other lovely stuff too.
PPPS: Maybe I will move back to Topeka so I can pick up some JIF an my way home from work? Then again ...... maybe not
Clarke,
ReplyDeleteWhen we packed our container in the states, we had shopped at Sam's Club and bought Jif Creamy. We don't eat that much peanut butter but knew it was scarce here. So we have a reserve and would like to offer you a bottle.
I know you can only get 18 ounce bottles here, I have got a 40 ounce bottle with your name on it.
Dan
bissbase@gmail.com
Hey Dan ......
DeleteThanks s much for the offer. If I had a 40 oz jar of JIF the last thing I would do is offer it up to a whiney little crybaby. I would be guarding it ....... on the front stoop, shotgun in lap, giving everybody the stink eye. I can see that this little rant looks like I am asking someone to rescue me ...... but that really was not the purpose. It is just that 5+ months without JIF tends to make me a little cranky.
Make your own, peanuts in abundance and cheap!
ReplyDeleteAndy .......
DeleteI think that you kinda missed the whole point here. You do understand that JIF is not one of those 100% natural 'only ground peanut' type foods ..... right? It is a highly processed product full of hydrogenated this and that. It is JIF that I miss ...... not ground up legumes.
I understand the distinction between Jif and peanut butter, all right! Whatever Jif is it is certainly NOT peanut butter. You are certainly most entitled to your food addictions - we all have them!
ReplyDeleteBut your rant might leave readers thinking there's no peanut butter here. Local brands that come in small plastic bags containing ground peanuts, a little salt, (and probably not very many rat hairs) are one of the great food joys I discovered after moving here. You can squish them a while before opening to mix the oil back in. Pure peanut goodness.
Now can we talk about REAL cheese? ...
I think that a good number of previously imported items are now off the shelves or in very short supply. Cake mixes being one of them. It may be that the import taxes make it too high to sell. Based on a cursory look at the shelves, I suspect that Supermaxi is replacing them with their brand products.
ReplyDeleteWe just make our own... My wife does use the local brand for peanut butter cookies.
Mike
Clarke - I love your rant and the humor in it made me laugh out loud. We are preparing to move to Ecuador in July and now it seriously makes me think about what I need to pack in my luggage... a large supply of Jif being one. Reading this was actually helpful! Thanks. I hope you get your fix of Jif soon!
ReplyDeleteMichelle
Here in Puerto Rico, for many years it was difficult to score heroin. Although I don't much care for it, I believe that you might benefit from a look at how heroin and other drugs are shipped onto the island. A bit of "reverse engineering" might lead you to a solution for your Jif miff.
ReplyDeleteStep number one: Understand that if you are having this problem, there are probably lots of other folks around you who'd also like to score some Jif. School children are particularly susceptible, as are other cranky old expats and bright eyed foriegn service personnel. Band together - there's strength in numbers - but don't draw undue attention with noisy late-night parades or strange costumes.
Step number two: Purchase politicians. Here we deal mostly in cash, but "quid-pro-Jif" deals would probably work just as well. Does a mayor have a cousin in the peanut butter trade? Does the Secretary of Defense have a niece in the produce biz? Could you trade artsy photos of Jif for the real thing? Think creative!
I think you get my drift. Scarcity is the mother of ingenuity. And, if all else fails, sell everything and return to America. They've got Jif up the whazoo and crackers to spread it on!
Salud!