MEDICAL STUFF, HUMIDOR TIDBITS & NOT-MILK

MEDICAL EXPENSES:

We got our new doctor the other day and went in for our first visit.

His specialty is G-e-r-o-n-t-o-l-o-g-y. GERONTOLOGIST? Are you kidding me? Aren't those the guys that specialize in wrinkled people that smell kinda funny??

Anyway, had some tests done as a result of the visit:

- Cardiologist and EKG for me. For some reason, for the last 20 years, every time I have gotten a new doc, about 5 minutes into the exam, they go to the phone and make an appointment with a cardiologist for later the same day. Go figure. Anyway, cardiologist and EKG ...... $40.

- Biggo bloodo testos (I think that is how you say it in el spanisho): Mine - $80, Brennie's - $70. I got one in Kansas last May. It was $800 for the same test. I know that because my fine health insurance allowed me the honor of paying for it myself.

- Bone density scan for the Brennie ..... $35

- Follow up comment .......... had an 'issue' Friday night that required a late night call to our new doc. He arranged for me to pick up a scrip at the emergency room and called us at home the next day to follow up. Yeah, for those of you still in the US...... he called us at home yesterday to be sure all was ok. Unbelievable! In case this was not clear. Our new doc called us on Saturday, at home, to make sure that all was ok!

HUMIDOR:

It is impossible to buy a humidor here. (Maybe not 'impossible', but I couldn't find one.) My little buddy Randy (Kimbler) was in the same boat ..... needed but could not find a humidor.

So we met with Pepe.

Gave him details of what we needed.

As usual, '2 weeks' means some other time frame.

But well worth it.

(Yep, having a small problemo with font color here.)

These are pics of Randy's, but they are

virtually identical and I am a terrible photographer.

DISTURBING :

Yeah, Randy and I bought pretty much identical moto's too. Like I said ....disturbing.

NOT-MILK:

Not really sure what it is.

But ..... NOT milk.

Life is Sweet,

Clarke

Moto, Moto, Motos

Went for a ride through the hills and to Tarqui with my little buddies Randy and Chuck the other day.

Chuck, being the least experienced was duly elected both President and Road Captain.

Randy whined a lot about not having gloves. I had a pair with me so I let him look at them.

Pictures are worth a thousand words, so .....

Mine is the pretty red one.

A FINAL WORD .... ABOUT TRAFFIC LAWS, STOP SIGNS, LANES IN THE ROAD, MINIMUM OR MAXIMUM SPEEDS OR BASICALLY ANY TYPE OF TRAFFIC REGULATION:

I can't think of the exact word. "Meaningless" comes close as does "nonexistent". Traffic regulation is a joke here. There seems to be a basic rule governing all traffic, whether it be pedestrian, motos (motorcycle), car, bicycle, cabs, trucks or busses. That rule would be not to allow yourself to get hit by anything bigger than you.

Most vehicles DO follow the "one way" signs.

Pedestrian crosswalks are simply a kill zone. The paint on the road makes it easier to wash the blood off the pavement.

Bicycles and motos routinely weave their way through traffic jams and through traffic stopped at a light ...... it is expected and kind of fun. I have only seen a couple motorcycles jump up on the sidewalk to avoid a traffic snarl. Now THAT has to be illegal!

Stop signs are routinely run. If you go through an intersection taking it for granted that the cross traffic will stop, you are delusional. When I was on my bike (bicycle) the other day and approaching an intersection, two cars, coming from the left, ran the stop sign at full speed. If I hadn't had the brake levers covered with my hands, well ..... "messy" is a nice way to put it.

Clarke

The "Kids" First Visit

YE GADS!

THE KIDS CAME TO VISIT FOR 10 DAYS!

10 DAYS!

5 KIDS!

Well, Cait and Alex came to visit for 10 days. their friends Kodie, Jeaneal and Brady came too. So we had 5 "kids" age 21 - 26 herre with us ........ helping us feel young / old.

How does one blog about 10 days of activities ......... especially when you think blog entries should be realatively short? A list of course.

THINGS WE DID (random order).

- Zip lines (called 'canopy') as you are going over the trees and ravines...very cool!

- Eating out

- Mercado .... multiple times

- Local craft markets

- Eating out

- Bus tour of Cuenca

- Riding busses almost everywhere

- Walking everywhere else

- No cabs (7 people)

- Massages (girls only)

- Pedicures (girls again)

- Restaurant meals ....way too many of these

- Playing cards at night

- Cooking classes

- Eating out

- Ahlmuerzo (that is NOT spelled right)

- Salsa lessons

- Dental appointments ($20 to get your teeth cleaned)

- Local craft markets

- Did I mention eating out? Holy Sh*t! 7 people each meal!

- Lots of walking around .... which in Cuenca means s-t-a-i-r-s

- Back to the craft markets repeatedly

- More shopping (Brenda plus 3 girls. Duh.)

- One of the lads (Alex) kept on asking about pr*st*t*t*s. Sorry son.

- I don't know many times they went to Tutto Freddos. (Ice cream and assorted desserty type stuff)

THINGS WE DID NOT DO (random again):

- Museums

- Art galleries

- Churches

- Anything remotely cultural or educational.

- Getting matching tats

THEY DID NOT SLEEP OR SHOWER AT OUR PLACE. We rented rooms (with private baths) for them at La Cigale Hostal. (FYI ... hostle, hostel, hostal. Apparently you can spell it any way you like.) 5 people 9 nights ...... you do the math. La Cigale was less than 50 yards from our apartment. But, we had a measure of peace at night.

HOW TO GET 5 KIDS TO AND FROM GUAYAQUIL AIRPORT:

Bear in mind that the flight in arrives at 11 PM and the one out leaves at 6 AM. On the surface, it would look like you are going to require hotel rooms for 2 nights in Guayaquil. Nope, not so. Private van will pick up at airport and drive directly to Cuenca (3 1/2 - 4 hours) over the Cajas at night. Ride back .... same thing. Pick up at our place at midnight and deliver to airport.

A WORD ABOUT ZIP LINES ...... AKA CUENCA CANOPY:

Bitchin'. Totally bitchin'.

"SO GLAD YOU CAME TO VISIT.

SO GLAD YOU WENT BACK HOME."

FOR A WHOLE BUNCH OF PICS, CLICK HERE.

FOR A FEW MORE PICS, CLICK HERE.

Clarke

All is well in the world again...

FROM THE SOFTER SIDE~

If you read yesterday's blog, you know that our children have arrived. Due to some last minute planning with our 'live life in the moment' child, there was only room in the hired van for seven people (both children brought friends). Consequently, I stayed home and worried all night about my entire family traveling over the Andes late at night in a van. Horrid remembrances of the kamikaze van driver we had last year kept creeping into my mind. OK, I admit that he did a good job for a driver whose feet did not reach the pedals but a worried mind is a funny thing. Only the worst case scenarios kept slideshowing through my brain. Falling boulders, slick roads, sharp curves, cows in the road, landslides...oh my God, I'm going to be widowed and childless and will have to move back to Kansas and go back to work!!!!

I finally managed to fall asleep with my cell phone tucked in my underwear (I'm deaf, remember, and I sleep like the dead. My only hope was that the vibration would wake me when that horrible call came.)

At exactly 3:23 a.m. I bolted wide awake. A few minutes later the phone rang with Clarke telling me to put on the coffee pot - they were on the outskirts of Cuenca, alive and well (how I woke up at the precise moment they hit Cuenca, I'll never know. Chalk it up as one of the maternal mysteries of life.) All I know is that Mama Bear has her cubs home safe in the den again. All is well in the world.

Yes, there are five of them sleeping on the floor. The next picture shows the REAL reason why there was no room for my new set of pots and pans!

HOW TO PLAN AN INTERNATIONAL TRIP

CAITIE (daughter, 23, works in credit union, lives in Portland Oregon):

- Applied for time off 3 or 4 months ago.

- Advanced purchase of tickets for best price.

- Required details of transportation from Guayaquil to Cuenca.

- All I's dotted and T's crossed (twice).

ALEX (son, 21, part time kitchen work, finished road trip a couple months ago with Brady and has been squatting at Cait's until he and Brady can afford place of their own):

- One hour before taking Caitie to airport changes his mind and decides to come too. Therefore the 5:00 AM phone call ....... from Cait ..... not Alex.

- Will possibly phone in resignation.

- NOT getting discount air fare. (Brennie and I pay basic air fare only.)

- Will be required to vacate Cait's couch upon return.

(Cait is bringing 2 friends with her and Brady is coming with Alex.)

RESULT:

They are all on the same flight. I will be meeting them at the Guayaquil airport. Upon return to Oregon, Caitie will go back to work and also back to school. Alex and Brady plan to head to Bend (because that is where the snowboarding and rock climbing are ....... but jobs in Bend are SCARCE). Caitie will know where her next meal is coming from. Alex will almost certainly have yet another tattoo ....... from Ecuador.

-------------------

You just gotta love them both. But they are polar opposites. We are very excited to see them. When we all get together it is an absolute gas and almost never appropriate. My mother, god rest her soul, would be horrified!

Clarke

SHAME AND EXCITEMENT

“Shame and Excitement?”

Sound lurid doesn’t it? Albeit a catchy little title.

So is this blog entry about the seamy side of Cuenca? The dark side. A guide to the Cuenca that your mom fears you will find? Or is it possibly a memoir. The s*xual coming of age story of an adolescent Catholic lad in the early 60’s?

Nope.

It is motos (motorcycles to my americano amigos). But really ...... “shame?”, “excitement?” Yup...”shame and excitement” is dead on.

THE SHAME:

I am a Harley boy. There are a lot of really fine motos out there, but all I ever wanted was a Harley. I’ve had two of them. The second was one that I bought used and had 10 years ....’94 Heritage Softail Classic. I had a lot of engine work done on it to make it very responsive .....blah blah blah. It was my intention to have that bike the rest of my life. I loved it beyond logic and reason. Plus I am a full figured boy and I love a bike to match. (I had a Yamaha ages ago , but at least it was a 650cc.)

Motos here in Cuenca are different. The vast % are 200 cc or less. Of those, most are 100 - 125 cc. The huge majority of them are Chinese. (50 million motos are built each year and more than half are Chinese.) Back to the shame. Harleys (and other big twin massive cruisers) are:

1. the wrong bike for here

2. unbelievably expensive

But I want a moto now. So .... and here is the ‘shame’ part........ I am getting a Yamaha DT175. 2 stroke, 175 cc, dual purpose (on and off road). Randy Kimbler (my new little buddy) tells me it will be perfect. I have no idea as I have no experience with small bikes. We will see. FYI....‘test ride”? No such thing here.....can that be true?

THE EXCITEMENT:

I am so excited! And of course very ashamed to be so excited about getting a tiny little bike.

------------------------

HOURS LATER:

Randy and I picked up the bikes this evening. I rode home under cover of darkness.

The sound of roaring thunder has been replaced with the thrill of "nyiiiing, nyiiiing, nyiiiing".

For those that need a pic.......uh, maybe tomorrow.

Clarke

REALLY HUGE BIG GIGANTIC SCARY DOGS?

So I am taking our two little beasties for their (early?) AM walk. The beasties (Pekinese) weigh in at about 10 pound each and are both committed pacifists (d*mned cowardly sissies). So, as a responsible and caring daddy, I am always on the lookout for anything that could pose the slightest threat to the little darlings ...... basically with these guys, the threat level is always a minimum of orange.

So up ahead (way ahead) I see a guy walking a couple huge, I mean to say HUGE dogs. Threat level transitions immediately to red. I pull the little beasties in closer to me and the three of us scamper to safety to the other side of the street. Although the huge beasts are about 3/4 of a block away, I don't want them to catch the scent of our fear.

As we close the gap I am able to tell that there are actually 3 big dogs ........ I mean REALLY HUGE. The smallest is taller than the owners waist!?! Too late to run and no trees to climb. What are those guys? Mastiffs on steroids? Closer yet and closing the gap. Kinda strange looking. Can they be Bully Kuttas? (Oh poopy, that is NOT good news.)

Closer still. Goats? Some guy is walking goats? It's a middle class guy in a residential neighborhood. Walking his goats? This is not a peasant taking his goats to market. It is some lawyer(?) walking his GOATS. Really big goats.

Wait a minute now. Maybe they are not goats. Could they be the famous Goat-Dogs of Cuenca? Or is it Dog-Goats?

Why do I never have a gun camera when I need one?

PS: Corky and Fluffy (Bugger and Wanker) told Brennie that they weren't really afraid. Yeah, they talk. Only Brennie can hear them. However, you can't believe a word they say.

Ciao,

Clarke

EARTHQUAKE THIS MORNING....THE LIGHTER SIDE

OK NOW:

If you read this blog, you probably read other Cuenca Expat blogs and already know we had an earthquake about 7:00 this AM. About 7.something magnitude ...... that's the old news.

THE LIGHTER SIDE:

We were asleep. (Retired remember?) What woke us up was the bed violently rocking back and forth about 8-10 inches. Now I admit that it is a little confusing being woken up this way. The punch line ..... at first Brennie thought the rocking was caused by my being nasty with myself.

Clarke

Uh Oh...Not all is perfect in paradise.

Huh? Whadya mean?

Cigars my friend. Cigars.

BACKSTORY:

If you are familiar with our blog and our apartment you know that we have a 45' long balcony.....perfect for enjoying cigars. If you are not familiar, see the pic at the top of the blog. That pic is taken from inside the apartment, looking out to the balcony. The balcony is fine ..... CIGARS are the issue .... or rather lack of them.

It is a challenge finding decent cigars here. Knowing this from the visit last year, I came prepared (I thought) by bringing several boxes of my favorites.

CURRENT ISSUE:

Our loving daughter Caitlin is coming to visit in a couple weeks. (Guess who is buying her ticket, etc.) Knowing this and the 'cigar issue', I have ordered more cigars to be delivered to her at her job in Portland for her to bring down to me. So far, all is good and there is no 'issue'.

That is ....until I got her email today:

I received your cigars at work today. My name was not on the shipping label, it was just addressed to Advantis Credit Union. So my boss took the liberty of opening the package and then sent out an email to the branch asking whose cigars were delievered to work. I am now a laughing stock. People are teasing me shamlessly.

The only way to get them to stop laughing at me was to share with them. All of my co workers are now enjoying their daily cigar breaks.

See ya in 15 days...cigarless.

My response:

You may think that is funny. Giving away daddies cigars is not even remotely funny. Even joking about it is not funny. Nor is even thinking about joking about it.

The only funny thing is that more cigars are on the way.

Talk soon.

Xoxoxo
Daddy

I got a response from her that it was no joke.

When she gets here, I sure hope all my cigars are with her. Otherwise we are taking a long bus ride to the most remote village in Ecuador ........ where I will trade her for 2 goats and a pig!

Love,

Daddy

WHY I REFUSE TO TALK POLITICS WITH MY NEW FRIENDS IN CUENCA

When I retired and moved to Cuenca, I made the resolution to not talk politics at all, with anyone, for any reason.

And, I have done a pretty good job of that.

“Why?” You ask.

Well, if you are a:
- Gay rights supporting
- Gun toting
- Pro choice
- Redneck
- Liberal
- Harley riding
- Agnostic
- Well educated with multiple degrees
- Left wing
- Cigar smokin’
- Smart ass
- PInko
- Male Chauvinist Pig

Well, it’s pretty safe bet that you are going to piss off just about everyone.

So, if anyone starts talking politics with me, I usually say ....... “Nice shoes. Where did you get them?” Because hell, everyone likes to talk about their shoes!

- - - - - - - - - - -

ON THE OTHER HAND.....

Everyone likes Brennie!

Ciao,

Clarke

(Brennie) WENT KINDA NUTS......

WELL NOW ..... Have you ever let yourself get too hungry? Let the old blood sugar bottom out? Get desperate for food .... complete with the shakes and cold sweats? End up eating like a maniac and can't stop? Absolutely driven to eat?

UMMM ..... That's not exactly what happened. However, apparently we DID wait a little too long before we went shopping for decent plates and bowls and stuff like that. (We have been using some very special plates purchased from Cr*pTown Originals the first week we were here.) We just waited too long to replace them ......UNTIL YESTERDAY.

Yesterday we went to the Artesa factory. It really is quite amazing, especially if you are starving. There are so many beautiful patterns to choose from ...... really impossible to choose ...... so, as it turns out, we didn't bother actually choosing a pattern. Think eclectic.

They had lamps (need the wiring parts ....... no problem).

The first pic is of 6 of the 7 smaller ones we got. We also bought 2 larger ones.

Might have gotten a few bowls and platters.

Maybe even a vase or two.

I think that I counted 9 serving platters of various styles.

Or was that the serving bowls?

Plates, bowls, espresso and cappuccino cups,

strange little bowls for dip or something,

pottery glasses (uh, not made of glass) and other stuff too.

It was madness.

I did not take any pics of the flower pots that went directly to the balcony.

Yeah, we got some of those too.

Like children in a candy store.

AND ...... NOTHING MATCHES.

If you want to see full size pics.....

..... CLICK HERE.

Some terms that do not come to mind here:

Self restraint, planning, self control, moderation, discretion.

But, we did have a ball!

CLARKE

A NEW DAY. AKA, FIRST THING I SEE WHEN I GET UP

OKEY DOKEY......

THIS EARLY RETIREMENT GIG IS TOUGH.

Most days I wake up between 8:00 and 8:30. I usually stumble through the apartment and out to the balcony to be sure that Cuenca is doing fine. Today I grabbed my camera on the way...

First glance tells me things look pretty normal.

Next....gotta check that the balcony is still standing.

The balcony gets a lot of use.

It is also where that first cup of coffee happens every morning.

FYI.....GOOD coffee is $2.50 a pound.

NEXT....Make sure Brennie has coffee and the dogs are ok.

On the way through the apartment.

(Yeah not much furniture yet.)

Re furniture: What an ass pain that has been.

I feel like I have been in every furniture and antique store in town ...... twice.

(Because I have.)

FINALLY, I said "screw it" and went to a local craft market and got 5 primitive tables.

At $10 - $20 each, they will do for now ... and probably for a long time.

Below....my favorite "furniture store".

Going back today for more!

The clay pots here are the same price as the plastic ones you can buy in the stores.

When you are done getting your furniture,

you walk out to the street and look for one of these trucks.

For $5 they put all your stuff in the back and take it to your place.

Basically pickup truck taxis.

That's it for now.

Oopsie, one more small thing.

If you want to see the pics full size......

....... CLICK HERE.

Clarke

I Am NOT Jealous

Congratulations to our good friends Nancy and Chuck Watson for the 2 distinctive awards they received for their website Nancy and Chuck - Retirement in Ecuador. For those of you that have not had the pleasure of meeting Chuck and Nancy, let me tell you that they are truly wonderful people and we are proud to have them as friends.

HOWEVER:

I really didn't intend to ever mention this, but Brennie insisted that I make it public. Bugger and Wanker are pretty darn proud too. So, only because Brennie is making me and because the dogs are so proud ....... here goes.

We too have won a very prestigious award for the fabulous and original work we have done on with our sophisticated highbrow blog. Two of our more modest effort were specifically cited in our award notification. As the award document said "Who could ever furget the senstive and haert renduring treetment of yur Purade of the Peekingese posting or the nostaljic his and her memorys of your Luvly Wedding. These brung tears to our eyes."

Also, in case you missed the coverage on CNN. here is a link: http://www.cnn.com/dorkie/2009

As you have probably guessed by now, we are the recipients of the fabulous, the prestigious, the coveted ............ "2009 DORKIE". We are so proud.

"2009 DORKIE".

Life doesn't get any better than this.

PS: The formal award ceremony is in August in Death Valley, California. Hope you can make it!

From the Softer Side

May You Live in Interesting Times.....

I've sometimes wondered if that Chinese proverb was a blessing or a curse.

OK...long overdue post from the softer side. Reason? I have been using all my energy adapting to culture shock. Believe me folks, it feels much different when you actually move here than when you visit. For me, there was no culture shock involved in the visit - only the romantic fantasy of "selling all our stuff and living like Bohemians". The problem with the fantasy is that this 'Bohemian' has reached middle age and grown accustomed to a life of luxury. I consider hot water on demand and flushing your paperwork down the toilet a luxury, but that's just me. Like I said, I'm adjusting.

A word about culture shock...Remember the TV series "The Twilight Zone?" There is an episode where aliens transplanted a human couple into a fake universe in order to study their habits and reactions to strange stimuli? That, in a nutshell, is what culture shock feels like to me. It affects people differently but I have felt slightly surreal, like I'm in a dream. Clarke just calls it bitchy but he was never one for understanding the female psyche. There are some things I have learned since arrival.

1) Do not, I repeat DO NOT live in your apartment while it is being painted - in spite of what the painters tell you. ("No problemo. We'll do one room at a time and paint around you. We'll have it done in a week.") What we know now that we did not know then is that one American week equals four Ecuadorian ones.

2) Do not trust your loved ones to Ecuadorian women who operate electric razors. Clarke came home looking like a Nazi concentration camp survivor and the dogs couldn't go wee-wee for three days (gender specific razor burns). Dogs, not Clarke.

3) Learn the Spanish words for colors before allowing painters who speak no English into your apartment. They take their yellows and oranges seriously down here south of the equator.

4) Never make a to-do list with more than three things on it. The more experienced Gringos tell us if we get one thing done a week, we're doing good.

5) Do not expect to find soft, comfy overstuffed furniture here. Ecuadorians make furniture to last. I've sat on rocks softer than some of their dining room chairs.

6) Do not take a 'bailor therapy' class if you have hip problems. Think salsa dancing on steroids. Bailor means dance. The therapy happens later in the physical therapists' office.

7) Get rid of all prior concepts of "hurry". It's just not part of the culture here.

8) We get by with a little of help from our friends. The friendships down here are the best part of Ecuador. The expat community is a wonderful source of support. It's a lot like crossing a river with stepping stones. Those in front lend a hand to those behind. You, in turn extend a hand to those coming along. It's a great system.

To end the post on a positive note, we got our washer and dryer installed last week on the rooftop. As I was doing laundry yesterday, I thought to myself "how many people can claim these views from their laundry room???"

I'm a lucky gal. Life IS good here...in spite of the fog of the culture shock. That, too, shall pass.

Brennie

SOMETHING MY DAUGHTER WILL LOVE ABOUT ECUADOR

LIGHTS, LIGHTS, LIGHTS.

SPECIFICALLY ...... OVERHEAD LIGHTS.

BACKSTORY:
When we remodeled our last house in the states, I did my best to remove all overhead lights. I find them loud, intrusive and glaring. I hate them. For instance, when I designed (and installed) the new kitchen, I replaced the overhead lights with indirect lighting.....above, below and in the cabinets, which had glass doors. (Actually I did have direct spot lights above the stove and sink.) It was lovely. Everyone thought so except my daughter. Every time she visited from Oregon, she bitched and complained that we needed bright overhead lights.

WHY CAITIE WILL LOVE UR NEW DIGS IN CUENCA:
Well, it is the lights, lights, lights.

Although our building is in Old Town (El Centro) and is surrounded by buildings 100+ years old, our building is only about 40 years old. Apparently the standard for lighting at the time was........can you guess? If you did not guess "overhead lighting", you need to go back and start again from the beginning.

OK now, I suspect that alone should make the Cait pretty darn happy. BUT, these lights are very special. When she sees the exact nature of these lovelies........well .....the exact word is hard to come up with. Could it be: beaming, giddy, joyful, gleeful, delighted, pleased (lame), buoyant, radiant, sunny, blithe, joyous, thrilled, elated, exhilarated, ecstatic, blissful, euphoric, overjoyed, exultant, or rapturous?

Because, yeah baby, we have some fine lights.

How could you not love these babies?

Standard light....nothing fancy.

One of my personal favorites.

Very classy with the little globe thingy built in.

Way sexy with the color thing going on.

Adds a wonderful ambiance.

Fluorescent lights are available in other pretty colors too.

Can you believe that for 40 years, actual light fixtures were never put up. This is real standard. Not only that, but the previous owners were both lawyers! EVERY ROOM has these lights: except the dining room. Being quite large, at 15 x 21 feet, the dining room is blessed with two of these beauties! Very bitchin'!

BUT DON'T WORRY CAITIE:

Daddy will leave the lights just as they are until after your visit!